Who am I?

So who are we after all? Are we that sweet girl/boy or that girl/boy with an attitude? Are we that snob or are we the nerd? Are we the angry rebel or the easy going one? Are we all of these or none of it? 

I recently figured out, I have been an image all my life. An Image xyz person had about me, I have been that and if an abc person had a different image, I have been that one too. So basically, I have been just an image or maybe different images at different given time. 

And when I realized this [a few weeks back] It was absolutely mind-blowing and core-shattering! After I sort of settled in this new acquired knowledge about myself, I decided to do something about it. And I chose to be authentic! How simple it sounds, doesn’t it?! 

But truth be told, Its not simple, Its not very complicated either, Its just that when you actively make a choice, things start happening towards what you have intended and in this process, anything that is not a part of it, falls out. It could be anything, material possessions, relationships, own ideas/beliefs, patterns, likes/dislikes.

While this is happening, It does feel like your world is falling apart, but all you need to do is - trust, unconditionally trust that its all happening for only your best and nothing else. And as you start getting comfortable with your trust, you sit there, watch your life fall apart and you let it happen, you mourn the lose[its important, since you are on the path of authenticity, you definitely feel sad and lost, you cry if you want to, its just that you are doing justice to your efforts and your involvement with that particular object/person/attribute.]

And no more you will be anybody’s image, you’ll be who you are and you’ll have people around you, who also know what you know about yourself!And that would be great, because then you will have people who are authentic too! Well, that too has its own challenges, and I’ll find that out soon, but for now, let me just be authentic and drop what I am not and unapologetically and bravely embrace Me!

Awareness

So why is that we pray to God every now and then, even if we don’t actually sit in a temple, but most of the times, we are like, ‘oh God’ ‘hey bhagwan’!

I know these are just expressions practiced by us, but can you imagine how deep the idea of God has been marked upon us that we very naturally believe in the power of God. The power so divine and not seen in a particular form, as in we havent met God. [literally] We worship him through the idols, temples etc.
Wow, amazing belief![I do believe in God, I am not an atheist]

But when it comes to believing in ourselves [which is very much there, we can see,hear, feel and touch ourselves and we all have a form] we are so doubtful.

Why is it that we believe certain mantras in Sanskrit will help us more than simple affirmations?

Why does pujas done by pundits more helpful than simple symbolic things done with the right intention.

We are ready to wear a gemstone, but not sure about the easier and simpler things like oils or salts or crystals?

I think, we have been conditioned to accept things that we don’t understand and feel is complicated. So we don’t understand the mantras in Sanskrit or the rituals, hence its definitely going to do wonders.

Whereas, using an affirmation is just so simple, how can something so simple be effective?

Very easily we dismiss people saying, it wasn’t a good vibe, but the minute one has to understand the vastness and the role the whole energy system plays in the universe, the whole idea is dismissed.

Why is Spirituality not embraced, when at the end of the day all of us are spirits in our bodies?

Spirituality is not a parallel world or a different world. Its this world and we all are a part of it. Being spiritual is our natural being, which we simply don’t want to accept, because then how will we condition ourselves to have a complicated life.

When I say, lets be spiritual, I just mean, lets be all AWARE. No hidden meanings to this word.

I am a believer in God, the divine power, the magic of the mantras. I personally follow it all. What I want to insist is, only if we could have that kind of faith in our ownselves and the belief that we can shape our life the way we want!

The key to all is awareness!

Customize your fairytale...!

He swept her off her feet,

fought with the whole world for her,

they got together and live happily ever after!!

Aww! These fairytales I tell you!

I am not against them, I totally believe that all of us can have fairytales, I believe I too can have a fairytale or should I say, my fairytale begun when I was born. Yes, this is my version, C’mon if each one of us have the exact same story, how dull and boring would this world get.

What I am trying to say is - people don’t get depressed when the fairytale you read as I kid dint happen to you when you got in your mid-twenties[or any age] You are just looking and focusing at one part all your life.

Shift! Yes, plz make a shift in your focus.

Your story is unfolding every minute, there is magic and love happening around you, feel it, look at it! Shake yourself up thoroughly and ask yourself, do you really want to be in a position to be RESCUED by a prince charming? I mean if you are in a good place in your life and if you find someone who is in a good place in his/her life and if you people decide to share that space, laugh, be happy and walk together [not necessarily you in his arms!] Isnt this a good fairytale? Or is it necessary the damsel should be distressed and the prince should be some greek god? Can you imagine how much pressure this builds up on us.

The girl has to be sad [inspite of her having no reasons for it] So you literally spend so many years of your life, depriving yourself from all the happiness and fun that life has for you. You have the best of friends and a wonderful family who love you unconditionally. ‘Oh No! I cant be happy!’ You have a great job, you are a talented person, appreciated by everyone! ‘Oh No! I cant be happy, what if my prince comes and sees me happy and then just leaves, because there wont be any rescue work!’

And the men, well are constantly trying to prove that they are men. Here the definition of the man is – strong with muscles, rescue the girl [even if she doesn’t need to be rescued] behave like a guardian, even if she has a father, 3 uncles, 2 brothers, she might want a break from being guarded all the time, but who the hell cares, I am the man, I will be the guardian. Fight the goons, and abuse the others who flirt with her – hmm, hello, there are no goons and I like to flirt with others!

In this search of a fairytale life ,we loose a lot and if we happen to have it and then if it doesn’t turn out to be what we had imagined, we again loose it all!

So lets just believe that we all are having our fairytales, its unique. There is nothing wrong in having a prince charming, but if he isn’t in the picture, does not mean, your story is incomplete. And don’t be scared to be happy, people don’t create happy endings, its the understanding of your own happiness that will create your own happy ending!

Customize it and fit into it right!

People are intersections...

Road A is smooth goes straight, Road B is a bumpy ride  with plenty of speed-breakers, Road C has had its ups and down and lot of twists, Road D has been dug up and is a mess at the moment.

All these four roads, meet at the crossing, unless they don’t come to the crossing, they cant move ahead in their journey. Out of the long, tiring, happy journeys the roads have had, the intersection is just a small part. They all meet, spend sometime and move on, Some become friends and might move along parallel to each other and some are just on the other end.

None of the roads owes anything to any other road, each one is on their own journey!

And that is how I believe, it is for all of us. Each one of us are on our own journey. We meet people, make friends, lovers, companions and the integral parts of our journey are our families. But NONE of it is a constant. All of us are just a part of each other’s lives, not the whole life.

There is a reason, why we meet, there is a reason why we separate. And I feel that the reason must be honoured, but no one owes anything to anyone. Yes there are feelings and emotions involved, but those are by default, they come and go and are very free-flowing. You can not hold onto one particular emotion and live with it all your life, it is practically not possible. Its in such cases that we are not able to live our present.

We don’t easily accept this, because if we were to start believing that only we are responsible for ourselves, then whom would we blame for our miseries? How would we build up our sob stories? Where would the drama come from?

Man by nature is an intelligent being, we just choose to drop the intelligence and the responsibility. But you know what, when you see the bigger picture, whether you like it or not, life is happening constantly, it chooses to keep moving ahead, the ones who are sync with it, enjoy it, the ones who are not, find life unfair! Its in our constant need to stick to the past and the made-up idea of our future, we just happen to miss the magic that is actually happening with us and within us!

And it so happens is that, you be grateful to the rest, but its You to whom you owe, and you owe yourself a happy life!

I took my vow!

So I am free! I believed this up until now, but today I truely experience it! The Freedom, I realize and understand today is breaking your own interior barriers, removing the chains and setting your soul, your life free! And trust me only you can win your freedom! Rest all that we say are plain simple excuses – parents don’t allow, society is against it, friends disagree and one can go on with the excuses!

I have heard about bliss, read poems on it, and I thought that I have experienced bliss, when in love or with my friends or with a gift/purchase. But no, none of it was bliss, yes it made me happy, but bliss I found within me, from me when I settled completely in my being, without anyone/anything!

Yes, life changes, moments pass, I am aware my ‘this state’ might not be forever, but that is ok, because in this cycle of life, when I will come next time back to my 'this state', it will be a better one than what it is now! The best part is dropping of ideas and wants [which we don’t really want, its a way to keep ourselves entertained!] I wanted to be in love because the idea was that it feels great, I wanted to get married because I thought its an acceptance from the world. I wanted to possess a certain thing, because I thought it will make me look good.

And then I woke up one day, thinking, what on earth am I doing! For the sake of some ideas, some of them which are not even mine, I am living a life based on that! No wonder, I never felt really content at any of those moments! Yes love is great, but I will not be in love for its greatness. I will love, when I will want to love, not for greatness or happiness, but just simply to love. Yes marriage is good, but I will marry when my heart will permit me to, not to have a certain acceptance from a society [which is build up on some really contradictory and masochistic ideas!]

This is my journey, its my child, I will take care of it however difficult it gets. I understood all this when I took my full responsibility that I shall be by my side in sickness and in health, I promise to accept myself completely and stand by myself throughout until death do me and me apart! 

Mysteries - let it be!

So how did some of us get into this quest of knowing our feelings and trying to be aware and understand them, where as some of the others live their whole lives without even wondering something as basic as ‘why are they doing a particular thing?’To such people if you ask this question, they would without any consideration just use the words,‘everyone does it!’And they are ok with that!And all of us co-exist in the same world, it does seem magical to me sometimes!

Inspite of the whole search party going on within us, there are certain things which we we just cannot find the answers for, maybe they are supposed to be mysterious or maybe the question is wrong. In such cases it is very important to know where to stop the search, because you may get the answer in the next moment or never!

A couple of days back a friend raised a question, I did answer it, but I wasn’t convinced by my answer. I decided to speak with my bestie about it and she told me, including herself and some other close common people to us, that question does not have an answer. So I found a mystery of my life [which is a mystery for my other friends too, hence going by the popular belief that if majority feel so, it must be correct, I suppose it is!]

Now the thing is, should I dig in or should I let it be? Solving the mystery might have its consequences on the other hand, if I let it be, It might just slip back again into the storage of my so many unattended thoughts.

And me being me, I have decided I will let go of it. I have a very beautiful and active present and I have a future to look forward to. I wish to do complete justice to it.

And as far as ‘the mystery’ is concerned, If it has to solve; it will or I’ll be just that girl, who weaved mandalas, lived movies, loved stilletoes and discussed mysteries over lattes with her bestie – The C.A! That aint bad!

The Inside Out...

And when you thought you were at your happiest best,

All around, surround lovely and sorted

A morning happened, a day arose

For a surprise pleasant,

Something like a bliss, flawed yet divine!

And just like that you knew,

This was more than the happiest best

Much more than All, around, surround lovely and sorted

I found him at my best and he made me even better

And hence It is always, the inside out

The happier I am, the happiest I get,

It is always more..much more.