Just me maybe...

Once again…and once again

I swore, I wont…but once again

I want to pen, pen my thought

I want to pen, pen my feelings

Its cliché to all, but its me.

Just the idea maybe or just me maybe!

Melodramatic talks, Sensational moves

the dreamy eyes, the fidgety fingers

imaginary breeze, ceaseless humming…

I like to blush, I like to shy

I like to romance, and I like being romanced

Earth isn’t for me, I like to fly

Its cliché to all, but its me.

Just the idea maybe or just me maybe!

Slow gait, few steps,

turning around, flashing my charm,

a little giggle, a little smile..

wrapped in a soft silk fabric…

and then walk away for miles…

it feels so good, it feels special..

Its cliché to all, but its me.

Just the idea maybe or just me maybe!

A two minute phase..

Lingering smiles, concealed joys…

A shine, a spark, a twinkle in eyes!

A feel good feel

No reason, no meaning…

A just like that feel,

Pleasant vibes, sweet types

Happiness is the mantra,

Fun is the theme.

The clock ticks slow

Its lazy, no hurry, no race

No reason, no meaning…

It’s a two minute phase…

The air smells dreamy,

The thoughts wander a little here, a little there

Into each other they clash, again wander else somewhere.

Teeny-weeny joy, teeny-weeny romance.

A wish to fly, a wish to settle..

Music in mind, rhythm to find.

No care, No worries,

No reason, no meaning…

It’s a two minute phase…

It will be gone soon,

But will come back sooner.

It knows, its my favorite,

Its my two minute phase!

A small crush...a little zest!

Onset of that tickling feeling

Its back…

Shy smiles, teasing looks,

Excitement in small packages,

It’s the onset of skipping heartbeats

Feeling of companionship

Its back…

A small crush…A little zest…

She wants to keep it just this way…

Just simple, just neat…

Wants just the heart to smile..

Wants just the cheeks to blush..

Just this way…

A small crush…A little zest…

Oh no, no it ain’t love,

It ain’t a commitment, it ain’t a promise

It’s the fragrance of the passing season

It’s the freshness of the sprinkling water

Just simple, just neat…

Its back…

A small crush…A little zest…

The final shatter?

Purple is back, with some more thoughts, experiences and some ugly truth, she says,’ There are level of betrayals, the one i found out recently is the biggest of all, the world around me, came crashing down, like a pack of cards. Yet i havnt accepted it. i am not sure if acceptance will relieve me from the pain or sweep me away in the ocean of pain. I am too scared to take the chance now.’

When purple was talking about all this, i couldn’t help but wonder, life has so many hidden paths. It just comes right in your face and orders you, ’Now you face me.’

And you like it or not, you have to face it. I have known purple since years, but have not seen her so shattered ever before. Is this her final shatter?

Will this make her some one without emotions at all?

Will this change her beliefs towards life?

Will this create a distance between her and every other soul?

Will i know the Purple i knew before?

as these questions rush in my mind, Purple continues...

I have shattered before,

But never like this

I have wept before,

But never like this

Its the vows, not promises,

Thats laughed at,

Its the love, not a fling

Thats laughed at

The purest life, you make it filthy

The strongest bond, you make it weak

Its the base, that you have torn apart

Its the half decade, you have made worthless

How do i live now? You tell me, how do i breathe now?

Its all my dreams that you made false,

Its all my smiles, you take back

The love we made, was lust for you

The passion we shared, was just a phase for you

That loving sensation, you made it a desperate touch

So you tell me,

How do i live now? You tell me, how do i breathe now?

Lost a part…a part of me

I have lost a part

A part of me,

The path I took, took a lot of me

I met a few, every time it was new.

The beginning was special

The end was soon.

What I dint know, I failed to see

The more I met, the more I lost…

I have lost a part

A part of me.

The path I took, took a lot of me

Yet again, I continue the path

I move ahead, way ahead

Into the the land, the forbidden land

The land that takes, takes it all

I walk through it, unknowingly

Unaware, I give it all.

Leaving behind the stretch,

I stand, I stare, I feel

I feel nothing, no pain, no love

No tears, no laughter

But a yearning,

A yearning, to feel it all,

To be myself before I walked the path.

I have lost a part

A part of me,

The path I took, took a lot of me.

Still so alive...!

That whiff of smoke, flaming ends,

burning cigarettes, Oh I hate those smeared ash

Why, Why do you smoke?

And there he stands smiles and shrugs

And I know I love him!

A journey on going…then…

I hear his voice, deep, passionate and a hold on my heart!

I meet those intense eyes

We both know, we deny though.

But no more, to the world we told,

Love is where we have lured.

The true love, the fantasy love,

It was love,

But I still ask,

Why, Why do you smoke?

This time he doesn’t jus stand or smile or shrug,

Its our lips together this time, it’s the dream kiss.

The soft lips, finding its way through my wet lips

The lingering taste of smoke, takes me high this time!

Its our lips together this time, it’s the dream kiss!

And now he looks into my eyes, smiles and shrugs!

And I know I love him!

We moved ahead, we moved apart,

But our love never left us

It held our fingers, followed us.

And we know its true, we know its pure,

Coz it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t cry

It makes us happy, that its still so alive!

A world in a world…a new world..

This is a new world where i’m spending the most of my time these days, sometimes because it’s a compulsion, sometimes because it’s a necessity and at other times when it’s because I want to, because I love to!

It’s an experience I’m living every single day, amongst so many people and their energy.

Its fascinating at times, weird at other times and sometimes a lil scary.

In such a world, its difficult to stay away from influences, but knowingly, unknowingly it does influence you.

Its bound to, with the constant flow of various kind of energy around, it just hits you at time, and you don’t know, why you are even sitting in this world.

But then again, I try filling my bag with the GENUINE smiles, those friendly hugs, silly jokes, nonsense gossips, appreciations and compliments.

I’m still experiencing a lot of things and I guess I’m capable of learning more,

Only thing that I’m clueless about is,

what do I do, when I don’t find a reason to smile in this world?

What do I do, when I look around and no more see those familiar faces?

What do I do, when I take names and realize, it wont be answered?

Will this teach me to balance out my professional and personal life, or it wont matter at all?

Lets see, if this world gives me my answers.

Lets see if the answers are what I wanted to hear.

Sometimes I feel stuck,

It bothers, irritates and disturbs,

It annoys and annoys and annoys…

Knock…knock…knock..

Im here, Im joy

For you, and only for you,

I’m the silver lining, they talk about

Im that ray of the sun they talk about

I bring colours, I bring life

And then,

sometimes I sense freedom

away from the handcuffs of boredom

away from the mist of ugly schemes.

And I keep waiting for..

Knock…knock…knock..

Its for me, its my joy!

When the unexpected happens...

Everyone expects, and everybody knows when the expected will happen, how they will re-act to it!

But in the process of thinking about expectations and reactions, something totally unexpected happens and then we are suddenly clueless ,’but this is not how it was supposed to be, now what.’

All our calculations go wrong..all our assumptions go haywire..There are certain things which secretly deep down in your heart, you somewhere thought about it for a split second, but then brushed away that thought, labelling it as ,’Nah, cant happen’

And then, BANG...it happens, and then the thought, ’but this is not how i was supposed to feel.’

The whole point what i am trying to make here and also am keen to know, what would you do when the unexpected happens?

Sometimes i think of just accepting it as the surprise package of life, you can like it or not, but you have to accept it

Or

Sometimes i regret [which is not at all a good idea]

or

Sometimes i think i could have welcomed the unexpected and made it even more memorable.

or

Sometimes i think, its LIFE, its supposed to be unexpected!

or

Sometimes i think, not to think at all!

So what do i do, when the unexpected happens?

Tag continued...

This post is a link of my Nympho Neighbour’s blog... Im writing this just for fun sake and nothing else...!!

4 jobs i have had..

- In 4^th or 5^th std, I used to make a pack of 9 greeting cards and sell it to my friends at the cost of 40 bucks during teacher’s day!

- I took dance classes alongwith my friend, when i was sixteen and earned 3000/-

- I took English/personality development classes when i was around 19-20

- Now im working at Radio mirchi

4 movies i can watch over and over...

- Hum aapke hai kaun

- Anand

- P.S i love you

- Sisterhood of travelling pants

4 places i have lived in

- My granny ‘s home

- My present home

- In Mumbai, at my bhaiya-bhabhi’s place

- At a friends place in vimanagar

4 t.v shows i love

- Friends

- Hip hip hurray [1^st season]

- Mtv and channel V reality shows

- Love stories [ this used to come on zee t.v almost a decade back]

4 places I have vacationed

- Assam

- Jamshedpur

- Lucknow

- Goa

4 favorite dishes

- Dal, chawal, aloo ka bhujiya

- Thin – crust pizza of dominos

- Cafe aroma’s sandwiches

- Chicken tikkas

4 sites

- Gmail

- Facebook

- Blog

- Orkut

4 places i wud rather be now

- In GOA [desperate about it]

- In the balcony

- Long drive[me not driving]

- With joysingh!

Our journey...our backpack!

Traveling is one of the integral parts of all our lives. We all travel, long distances, short ones. Most of us travel everyday to our work places, back home having a fixed journey!

But what most of us havnt realized or have just overlooked the fact that our lives itself is a journey, which I believe is never-ending [I am a believer of re-incarnation] and in this journey of life, we meet all kind of people,

some are accidents [good/bad] some co-incidences [good/bad] some regrets, some longings, some loved, some hatred, some become partners in our journey, we join others in their journeys. Everyone of us have our own path to travel, but at some point or other, we do cross a certain kind of people, and this ‘KIND’ is common between all of us!

- the ones, whom we meet in our childhood/school days, they are the ones who have seen our most innocent side, and if they stick along with you through out your life, nobody else will know you better than them.

- The ones, who were just absolutely so funny, that forever in your life you are talking about the funny incidents, irrespective of you are in touch with them or not!

- The ones, for whom you plain and simply have dislike, without any specific reason!

- The ones who enter in your life when most needed and exit at the right time, you always remain thankful to them!

- The ones with whom you have done the most silliest thing in your life!

- The ones you have thought is right for you,[but you finally end up with someone else, and have no hard feelings for the others]

- The ones who bring the most genuine smile on your face!

- The ones who have loved you forever

The dangerous ones

- the ones who made you feel like a loser

- the ones who show you the most beautiful, unrealistic dreams!

Forbidden one

- The one who manages to leave a tear in the corner of your eyes forever, who manages to rip a part of your heart for ever, who stick on to a part of your memory forever, the one who you keep wanting forever, the one you know is not right for you. The one, whom you carry with you everywhere. The ones who change your life, and make you weak!

Life is a beautiful journey, unlike other journeys, you cant plan it, and that’s why it’s the best, it has loads of happiness for you and also a cloud of sadness, but that’s the fun part of this journey. Im discovering my path for my journey further, and im carrying each experience in my backpack! To everyone out there, have a blissful journey!

Mirror

It’s the truth that reflects,

It’s the truth in your eyes that it reflects!

It knows when your smile is fake,

It knows when your promises are untrue

You try your best,

You say a hundredth time,

‘This is what I am, This is how I am’

But when your eyes stare...

without a blink...

Without an effort, at your own eyes,

In the mirror,

It’s the truth that reflects,

It’s the truth in your eyes that it reflects!

‘This is not what you are, this is not how you are’

You try your best,

You say a hundredth time,

But this is the one, and the only truth!

Its GREY for me!

This is one topic, when you talk about, people will take an extra interest, some pretending to ignore it though. For me this topic is as normal as my other posts, and without ignoring I do take a special interest in this topic, simply bcoz people get all judgmental and trapped in their own POV, the topic being PRE – MARITAL SEX. I read many articles about this and spoke to various people, this is what some said.

-Pre-marital sex is just coined in such a way that it has become a social taboo, but i believe its one of the most important ways of showing your love.

-Sex is not considered a sin until u let that thought creep into ur mind ,or unless u use precautionary measure and do not catch STDs. Ifeel that sex is more for the adults who have the maturity level rather than the innocent and irrational who just wanna try things out for the heck of it

-we are said to be a creation of GOD, When God creates something, He creates it with purpose and design. The Genesis account of creation makes it clear that God's creation is “good”.thus sex is also his creation for pleasure. I myself have experienced sex & found that as a soul meeting ceremony. Its the pure unificaton of two loving heart to express each other.

-Ok may be I sound a lil old fashioned but ya I dont and would never encourage pre marital sex. Not becoz I think its a taboo but I think sex is really sacred which should completely be after marriage. Foreplay to an extent is ok. There should be something you will always have to look forward to have after marriage.

-Sex is a very strong biological need. Although, I feel it's morally wrong.But, then each to his own. However, sex after marriage has a purpose .It’s a medium of expressing love between couples.

-premarital sex is individual based. There is nothing wrong if the people involved are willingly doing it. Only thing they must be aware of the consequences.

-We are a society that thrives on sex so why would that not extend to people having sex before marriage. Many people go through two or three marriages in a lifetime so they have definitely had sex before the second and/or third marriage

-Why should sex before marriage be a sin, be wrong? Its something God endowed us with. It doesn't involve killing, or hurting someone.

This is what I have to say -

If sex is sin according to a religion, so is drinking and smoking and eating meat.

There are people who marry so that they can have free sex.

There are people who end marriages because they are not satisfied with their sex life

What about polygamy?

Psychology says, that after a certain age, it becomes a need for an individual to have sex, or else it will affect him and his lifestyle in negative way and what if the person isn’t ready for marriage?

Then again, we talk for our convenience, that foreplay is fine but not sex. Now I want to know-What exactly is foreplay? Where is the line drawn here? Its as good as saying, I dint murder the person, I half-killed him!

People claiming to be modern, end up being judgemental regarding people losing their virginity before marriage? What has sex to do with a good person or bad person?

Is marriage a license for sex? And what if that marriage doesn’t work? Do you get another license or you don’t have sex at all for the rest of your life?

So what about watching hardcore porn movies and lusting over those unknown people? Is that fine? I mean if you not indulging into a sin, is watching sin onscreen acceptable?

There are too many questions? And too many answers for each question? And to get easy way out, people make opinions and judgements. And then the confusion surrounds you when you are in a situation, where you have no option but change your opinion, or unknowingly you end up going against your own opinion.

Just widen your horizon, not to indulge into unaccepted pleasures, giving it a name of wide horizon, but to understand life better.

I have nothing against people with either of the opinions,

For me life isn’t about pre/post marital sex.

For me life isn’t as clear as white or black.

For me its GREY and I have to see how much of black and white I mix to get that perfect shade!

.

I want...i dont care...

The earliest memories I have of my childhood are the times I have always been dreamy and lived in my own imaginary world, I had my own set of imaginary friends, my own idea of finding my prince charming, my romantic moments! I also knew and had heard people saying, that when one grows up, childhood beliefs and ideas fade out or they take another shape, basically they become more practical. I thought this would apply to me also.But I guess it dint, though at times I try pushing these ideas of mine somewhere behind my mind, just trying to be someone what others say. But after a time, I am back to myself.

Im still a princess with a satin gown,

Im still a princess with a diamond crown,

My believe in my ideas are still the same

Sometimes I pretend, but I know its lame

I want,

I want those stolen kisses, those bunch of flowers,

Those romantic moments, those dance in rain showers!

I don’t care,

I don’t care if its not real, I don’t care if its bizarre

I was a kid then, I am young now, I will be old tomorrow.

But always will I be a princess with a satin gown.

But always will I be a princess with a diamond crown.

There are times, when I am given a reality check, there are times when I witness ugly incidents, there have been times when I have gone through hell, but I don’t know what is it that still makes me hold to my fantasy land. I wonder what is it?

And, i'm not over it...

Complication is a word I guess an individual understand the meaning at a very young age, and experiences it through out the life.

The self war is the most disturbing and causes damages, which might not be visible by naked eyes, but it decays a huge part of a person acting as a dementor. [courtesy - Harry potter]

The solutions to control this damage, which I have found seems temporary and I’m still in look out for permanent ones.

I know time is the best healer, but let time take its time, I want to find my own way out for peace, peace for my inner self, peace for my well-being, peace for my people around me[who would get affected by my destruction] and more over everything, the peace I DESERVE. Because again,

I can feel the dark clouds hovering,

The monsters evil laughter.

The ticking clock’s devlish smile,

Refusing to let time heal the wounds.

The fidgety quarrels of mind and the heart

Oh, its so annoying, this feeling,

This feeling of being trapped,

Trapped in your existence.

Existence which will be till the end.

End… i wish, it to be happy,

Happiness is what I promise to myself!

So here is for me, and for all those who are not over it yet. Lets find another sword, another weapon, Im sure, someday soon, It will conquer over the sadness, the pain, the COMPLICATION!

Choices – How many?

This thought has been in my mind for sometime now, just dint get time to pen it down.

So this is what I was thinking, have you ever thought about that in our daily life, we have to make infinite number of choice, some, or rather many of them are choices made by our sub-conscience.

Like –

When u wake up in the morning, the side u get up from,

When you wear your slippers, is it right first, left first or both together..

Let me get funnier...

When you sipping the coffee/milk/tea, you take your 1^st sip, and the time gap between the 2^ndsip!

I know this sounds maddening, but isn’t it true?

Then there the usual choices, like choosing a dress to wear, to leave your hair open or tie it..etc..

And there are the important choices like career, marriage..

The point what I want to make is that the synonym of LIFE is CHOICE!

refer to - http://anshu-alilmore.blogspot.com/2010/07/destiny-this-or-that.html

Imagine, had Amitabh bachchan , had caught that train and returned back!?

There wouldnt have been an AMITABH BACHCHAN!

Everything depends on the choice we make, as I chose to write this post!

Addiction? who cares!

Strange I never wrote about one of my favoritestt! [I know its not a word, but ya that’s how it is!] thing!
SHOPPING!
I am a born shopoholic, its just that the trait was hidden somewhere in me when I was a kid, coz dint go to shopping often!
It was these huge multi-colored, shapeless frocks that we, [girls of my age, at that time] wore!

I must say, my mom did get good stuff for me, right from matching shoes to socks to frock to hairband !
I started making an opinion about my clothes when I was around 16! And then started the journey to all shopping destinations in my city, and my hidden traits blossomed!
And since then there is no looking back, Shopping gives me a high!
I have heard a lot from people, that I shop a lot, I spend money, I am a brat!
But who cares! Some people – smoke, some – drink, some – party,
Some – go for tours some – buy gadgets, and I – SHOP! I am not guilty,

coz I shop good, I shop quality n I shop style!
If I really like something and don’t buy it, I’m restless & dream about it, for days together, unless I buy it. [ c’mon a good night’s sleep is essential..!]
For me shopping is limited to clothes, footwear & sometime accessories, cosmetics! [that isn’t really too much..!!]
I can skip a meal, but not shopping!
So two things I’m addicted to – Shopping n Movies!
Well, I agree that I shop a lil too much, but then again its an addiction & I LOVE it!
So lets go shopping!

Destiny - this or that?

So how does this work? Is everything pre-decided? As in absolutely everything? Like is it decided that I will be writing this post on my blog? Is every moment pre decided?
Or is it like every day or every fortnight?
How do we know what exactly are we destined to?
I am a huge destiny believer, I go to astrologers, tarot readers, palmist & every that person who would claim to know my destiny!
Some people consider it as an escape route, but for me it works!
This is what my funda is:-

The all mighty has everything pre-planned for us, but then again it wont be fun enough for him to look down and know everything is happening exactly the way he had planned, so here is how he has planned his entertainment! He has kept two paths for each of us, and if we choose a particular path, again there are two ways!
So basically its fun for him to watch us choose the path and also there is some suspense as in to, which path will we take! And on these selected paths we meet people and then our destiny and theirs get linked!

So you see, its upto us to make the choices, I wont say right choice, bcoz right or wrong is very subjective. I want to say to you all that never discourage yourself from doing something you want to, and your destiny doesn’t allow.Just remember there are two paths, you never know which path is predicted by the mortals!
The bottom line being, the structure is ready, now its for you to decide the interiors! I am having a great experience designing my interiors and meeting the people I love! My destiny has given a lot that I wanted, and I am waiting for a lot more, which I believe I will get some day!

Where are you...

I believed, I knew
It was pure, it was true,
If this is how it was, then now where are you?
Those whispers in my ears,
Those hugs when me in fear
Those pecks on my cheeks,
Those naughty looks, those lovely flowers,
Those romance in rain showers
In the nights that never end, I dream
I dream of the promises you made,
I dream of the purple walls
Which witnessed the love we made,
I wake up realizing, I never slept
I ask you now, and I will ask you forever
The promises made, why weren’t they kept?
Where were you, when all night I wept?
I believed, I knew
It was pure, it was true,
If this is how it was, then now where are you?

She is the joy

[dedicated to penaaz]

Maybe a companion, maybe a friend
Maybe dear, maybe dearest.
Vivacious smile, pulsating vibe,
Along with her she carries a bundle of joy
Pretty she is as a Barbie toy,
Fond of talking, is never coy
Saccharine is her natter, pure is her heart
Simple is her going, yet apart from the rest
Pain she will disguise , will give a tough test
Happiness n peace is all I wish for her
For you I know will have everything the best
Maybe a companion, maybe a friend
Maybe dear, maybe dearest.

And its till eternity...

And its till eternity
Its him, its her and its me
Together we are and will always be
For world, Best friends are we three
Do not label us, I say,
The smile of one, twinkles in the others’ eye
The tears of one, rolls down the cheek of other
Its him who yells, its me who cries, its her who resolves.
Together we are and will always be
you are my 1st love, I tease
You are mine too, he winks
Saxy I call him, tall he stands with his dazzling smile
With him I can walk a thousand mile.
She holds the strings of my life,
Fun we make, we are husband- wife.
Jess I call her, dusky is her color, pretty is her face
With her I can sprint the life race
Together we are and will always be.
Moist are my eyes as I pen my thoughts
For it’s the two of you, my life belongs
I am and will be a part of all your rights and wrongs
Lucky I am , I feel. Blessed I am, I feel
For the world is filled with hatred and greed
My world with the two of you is a treat!
Together we are and will always be
And its till eternity.

In those woods...

There is an emptiness, there is some sadness,
Lingering somewhere deep down, there is a hope,
Now lost, now dead, once it was alive, now decayed.
A promise to myself, will hence not get
lost in camouflaged woods,
In forbidden boundaries will not wander,
For, I lost, I lost a lot,
My smile never reaches my heart,
My happiness never reaches its peak,
The tears dried off, but stained my cheeks.
It was in those woods, that I left my soul,
It was in those woods, that I left my essence.
I still am unchanged, just with a hope,
Now lost, now dead, once it was alive, now decayed.

Purple says...

With things falling in place now, you suddenly realize, how much of yourself have you actually lost in this process, My friend Purple, says that the most obvious mistake we make is of not knowing the true colors of people around us, as she says, that she has had certain realizations in her life and she wanted me to share it with you all, so here it is what Purple says:-

He aint tall, he aint prince charming,
Doesn’t ride a horse either,
But laughs with me when i laugh and holds me when i shed tears,
When things are topsy-turvey, he smiles and assures that best is yet to come,
He finds you beautiful when u wake up with messed hair, and half open eyes!
Its he, who makes you feel like a princess, even when you are in rags!
He is not the one you had craved for, but he is the one who will fulfil all cravings of yours,
To a person like this i say, i might not be madly in love with you, but i would stand by you in all your foolishness! I might not say you, that i love you the most, but i will hug you like no one else, I might not be able to give you what you deserve, but i will give you all that i have,
because for me, your that pillar, which i want to lean on forever, your that smile,
which i want on my face forever, its your fingers, when they fill the gap between my fingers,
i feel the most secured, the most loved and at peace!