Would you ever know that?

Living a routine, doing the chores...

Painting a picture for my life ahead..

My heart has always skipped a beat,

the moment you have crossed my mind!

Would you ever know that?

The times we have met...the moments we have lived

I re run in my mind...feel it in my heart

My cheeks have blushed deep red...

My knees have trembled a little..

I have smiled to myself,

and shut my eyes to feel your lips gently on mine

that unknown shadow, I would name it you.

Would you ever know that?

My eyes would be meeting my prince in the frame I paint,

Vows for life would be promised with him

I would be smiling, he too would be happy..

But as a strand of my hair will fall across my face..

And as the breeze would whisper in my ears..

In that small moment, I would think of you.

Would you ever know that?

I dare not say, I love you..

Where do i know what love is..

I barely can say...few moments I spent with you

Lasts with me for days to come...

You are the secret, I share with my desires..

You are the pleasure, my fantasies yearn..

You are the brightest stroke in the painting I paint

Would you ever know that?

Perfect connect...

How do we know, who is it? We meet uncountable number of people in our life. So how exactly do we know, with whom spending life would be worthwhile. Is there a formula or a set pattern to figure it out? Hasnt it been more than once, when we feel that this is the person for me?

Then just how do people out there, make the decision?

I have my little theory on this one too!

When we meet people we make connections with them, some of them become really strong. These connections become a part of our life. My friend Purple says,’ i have some connections in my life so strong that inspite of being out of touch for ages, we have made a comeback with the same intensity.’

I believe in connections, i understand when people use the phrase, ‘we just clicked.’ My confusion here is, how do i decide with which connection I would like to go ahead in my life and maybe get married and have a family? I always thought that one can love just one at a time [here by love i mean the true kinds!] But I was introduced to a very interesting perspective about this by purple, she says.’ At a time one can love more than one person[and she meant the true kinds] its just one has to decide, which love is worth taking further and which one is not. Many wont agree to this, but the few ones who have experienced this, would know what i am talking about.’

After hearing to this, I have been thinking,Ii wouldn’t disagree with purple, I would just put it into another words. There are many instances, when two people in a romantic relationship, over a period of time realize that they are very good friends and not exactly a romantic couple. I know, that friendship is very important in any relationship. But in this case, its upto the couple, if they wish to continue their romantic friendship connection, or they want to look out for ‘The Love’ connection if the later option is chosen then, its usually a mutual break up, but its a break up of romance, the friendship stays intact and it does not hurt either of them. And they go ahead to find their love. Here the person made a choice of the connection.

Which leaves me to think, if I ever have to choose my connection, which one would that be, ’romantic friendship’ connection’ or ‘the love’ connection?

Which would be my perfect connect?

If nothing then...

And its love, a little of compassion
With some more passion and burning fire,
If nothing then you can name it lust.
I spread my arms, stretch my fingers to trace you out of somewhere
I found some one, that’s not you, not at all you.
When do all dreams come true? Maybe fantasy this is…
So I pull him closer, and he grips my hair,
I divulge, I like, I say, love can wait…
If nothing then you can name it lust.
Days go, weeks pass, seasons change,
Again I see the budge happening,
The budge from fantasy to dream…
Out there I am again, to trace you out of somewhere,
Will this be the love I yearn or yet one of my phase I lust..
Between the conventional and the unconventional caught up me,
Churning the thoughts and the heart, I marvel, I see..
and then it strikes,
Let the storm blow me along, let I feel the madness along
Soon a day will rest me, I know,
Till then I be with some more passion and burning fire,
If nothing then you can name it lust.

My lil' clandestine...

Wow! yes this is exactly how I would like to sum up my present. Here wow is not just a word for excellence or brilliance; it slightly leans towards, unbelievably phenomenal occurrences in my life!

So much to say, so much to write, lets see if I can sum it up in few simple comprehensive lines.

I have adorned the tiara of the unexpected, literally! And for once I am not blabbering about it as I want to see it unfold on my own without any outer influence. Whatever the result be, it would be completely my responsibility, hence it’s a lil clandestine I share with me!

I have noticed, the feeling of keeping to yourself is different. No I am not turning out to be a loner or any other synonym to it. Its just an experiment I am conducting and this time the subject is me. Its interesting to see how your mind works on your own, when its not caught up with someone else’s. Your mind is conflicting with itself. It asks a question and finds the answer too to it. [It has to, as there is no external source to help it.]

I have been observing different facets of my mind since I have begun this experiment, the best one out of all is that I am able to think quicker, write better. I am absolutely clueless about the connection of the result and the experiment, but I am in the process of finding it out. Maybe its just a phase, maybe its not. But meanwhile the experiment is on! Meanwhile I am enjoying the secret affair of my mind and me! And as all affairs/relationships start out sweet and romantic, this one too is the same!

I owe it to me...

Aright, so at times things don’t work well, they don’t fall in place well, the puzzle doesn’t solve. So what? It happens to you also, to him or her also and to me also. Inspite of it being a big deal, its not a big deal!

Some pointers which I am very well AWARE [theoretically] and I fail to practice, but I know I MUST –

1 – The bigger you make the issue, that bigger it gets. Its like parenting the issue, giving it nutrition, care and nurture, so that it grows well.

Cut it out! Nip it in the bud. Remember, no issue is bigger than you!

2 – Do not dwell on it, thinking of possibilities how worse it could get.

Zip it out!

3 – its not a problem, its an issue. Just the word ‘problem’, sends out a negative vibe.

4 – Smile, it really helps! :-)

5 – Believe in yourself, you deserve the best, again ‘best’ is very subjective.

So it could be you deserve, everything you wish!

My friend purple says, 'Don’t think too much, because doing so, you will not come up with anything, plus you would be wasting your time doing so. Listen to everyone, every single person around you [ this way you would know what they really are, hypocrites, sadists, genuine, loving or adorable] but always do what that tiny voice in the back of your head asks you to do. Now, if you cant hear that voice, then there is chaos inside you, try to calm it down to hear that voice and follow it!

Giving a thought to what purple said, it does make sense to me!

Live it guys, live your life. By living I don’t mean, simply fulfilling the basic necessities, go out of the way, surprise yourself, commit sins, indulge,

We spend our childhood doing all the good things [ courtesy : constant parental attention]

Analyzing, contemplating, we can do it later. For NOW lets do things, loads of things, so that later in life, when we have absolutely nothing to do, other than look at our wrinkled faces, and bear the pain in our knee, then we could atleast analyze, smile, curse looking back at all the things we have done.

We owe it to ourselves. I owe it to me, that smile, that satisfaction, that happiness, that pleasure, is for me.

For him…its you

I always knew, it was someone else for you…

It would be her smile…that twinkle in her eye…

For which your heart would skip a beat..

After all the prince charmings and all knights in shining armour,

I feel my heart flip when I see you,

All the attention I get around, I let go..

the slight notice from you, Makes me take a notice

The castle, I start building, the future I start dreaming…

Is when there is a small tap,

Tap tap and my heart flaps.

‘you dream, you smile, but he is mine,

and its not just me who says,

Its him who too prays’….and here is a secret little

My dear girl. You knew it too, he was not for you!’

My lips twist, but only for a smile,

A smile that says it all…

For him who prays for you,

But for me, who adores him..

As silent as a whisper, I fancy his joy

And if its you, his joy

Then I remind myself

I always knew, it was someone else for you!

Just...

Its been long since my last post..and lots have happened since then.

If I have to think about learnings from it, then well, not yet, havnt arrived at that mind set as yet to analyze the situations.Things are happening and I am not able to control it even a tiny bit. One of the things which is taking a toll over me is that I know what I want, but I am not able to do it because certain constraints or maybe I am just not ready to take a risk. My brain just doesn’t stop thinking about every single thing, but implementation is zero. There is so much of work to be done on me, I realize now.